EDITORIAL
I’m convinced humanity officially began its backwards slide the day some world-class moron waltzed into McDonald’s, bought a cup of hot coffee, spilled it all over her crotch, and then sued because—shockingly—it was hot. And in the plot twist nobody needed, she actually won. That was the moment common sense wasn’t just dead—it was cremated, and the ashes were dumped in a landfill behind a Waffle House.
From there, it’s been a one-way express to Stupidville. Now we’re so far gone that hair curling irons have to say “For external use only” because somewhere, somewhere, a grown adult looked at a sizzling hot metal rod and thought, Well, I’ve got an idea.
And, of course, standing in the peanut gallery are the apologists—those brain surgeons who will passionately defend her “case” like she was the Rosa Parks of scalded crotches. They’ll tell you she was “right” and “victimized,” as if spilling coffee on your own lap is some sort of hate crime. Next stop: suing ice cubes for being cold and stairs for being up.
Frankly, I say we strip every warning label off every product and let the gene pool take out its own trash. Darwin doesn’t need more time—he needs fewer lifeguards.