© Scott White

A notebook of notably noteworthy and sometimes notorious notes, thoughts and pontifications.

From a UPS Driver

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From an anonymous UPS delivery driver…

5 types of customers since the cooties came about…

Steve

He has been waiting for this moment his whole life. He has been drinking boilermakers since 10:00 am in his recliner and his AR is within arms reach. He has 6 months provisions in the basement and a bug out bag due west buried in the woods. Steve demands a handshake as I give him his package. He’s sizing me up as I deliver his ammo.

Steve will survive this, and he will kill you if he needs to.

Brad

He is standing at his window wearing skinny jeans and a Patagonia t-shirt. He is mad because there were no organic tomatoes at Whole Foods today. He points at the ground where he has taped a 6 ft no go zone line from his porch. I leave his case of Fuji water, organic granola bites, and his new “Bernie Bro” hat at the tape.

Brad will not survive.
Steve will probably eat him.

Nancy

She has sprayed everything with Thieves oil. Bought all the Clorox wipes, hand sanitizer, toilet paper, meat, and bread from the local grocery chain. She has quarantined her kids and sprays them with a mixture of thieves, lavender, & mint essential oils daily. She has posted every link known to man about “The Rona” on her social media. She will spray you if you break the 6 ft rule. I will leave her yet another case of toilet paper.

She will last longer than Brad, but not Steve.

Karen

She has called everybody and read them the latest news on “The Rona”. She asked for the manager at Food Lion, Walmart, Publix, McDonalds, Chi-Fil-A, and Vons all before noon demanding more toilet paper. Karen’s kids are currently faking “The Rona” to avoid her. I’m delivering “Hello kitchen” to her.

Karen will not survive longer than Brad.

Mary

Is sitting in the swing watching her kids have a water balloon fight in the front yard as she is on her fourth glass of wine. She went to the store and bought 2 cases of pop tarts, 6 boxes of cereal, 8 bags of pizza rolls, And a 6 roll pack of toilet paper. There is a playlist of Bob Marley, Pink Floyd, and Post Malone playing in the background. I’m bringing her second shipment of 15 bottles of wine in 3 days.

Mary will survive and marry Steve.
Together they will repopulate the earth.

You are situational compassionate…

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… and a two faced piece of shit…

  • All of a sudden that teacher is a hero because they are working 15 hours a day to teach your kids.  Last month, when little Johnny didn’t do his work and got an “F” that teacher was a piece of crap who didn’t know anything about teaching and working with kids.
  • All of a sudden that cashier who stops ringing up groceries to wipe down her workstation is appreciated.  Last month you would have been the impatient ass that huffs and puffs at him/her.
  • All of a sudden that stocker that has a hand truck with a mountain of stock blocking part of the aisle is appreciated.  Last month you would have looked down your nose at him/her because they inconvenienced you trying to get an item off the shelf.
  • All of a sudden that big rig trying to merge 80000 pounds of groceries onto the interstate is a hero.  Last month you would not have given him/her room to move over into traffic because where you were going was more important that getting that load of baby formula to the grocery store.
  • All of a sudden that fast food worker who is bringing your bits of chicken out to your car is awesome and busting their ass.  Last month you were bitching and commenting that they weren’t smart enough to tie their own shoes.
  • All of a sudden that man who is collecting your refuse bin is a great guy and does a great job.  Last month you couldn’t have cared less about him or his family and looked down on him because he’s just a garbage man.
  • All of a sudden the person who is mopping the floors, cleaning bathrooms, wiping up your piss, picking up your snotty tissues, is an unsung hero.  Last month you were looking down your nose and angry because their cart was blocking access to a bathroom.
  • All of a sudden those healthcare workers, from administrative support through physicians are the most amazing people on the planet.  Last month when you walked in to the emergency room  you cussed out the triage team for not jumping up and thinking little Karen’s stubbed toe was the most life threatening trauma on earth.

Most of you are just a bunch of fake, worthless, situation controlled sheep.  I don’t hate you.  I feel sorry for you.  I feel sorry for the people around you.

In Less Than 24 Hours

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Do you realize that within the Georgia Department of Education…

School Boards, Administrators, Teachers and Support Staff have completely revisited everything we know about educating our kids? Put plans in place and starting today (some earlier) executed the teaching of our kids in ways we never thought possible?

Do you realize that distance learning, eLearning, remote learning, whatever you want to call it was primarily reserved for higher education, but starting today, March 18th, 2020 – our education system embarked on a journey with our elementary, middle school and high school age students?

Do you realize, that the nuts and bolts of what will be taught and how it will be taught was put together by the same teachers that you email to complain about Little Johnnie getting an F in his English class did this, quite literally overnight?

Romanian Revolution

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LONG READ WARNING – I got to see the aftermath of this first hand in 1990. I was in Romania. It remains one of my fondest memories of my time in Uncle Sam’s Canoe Club.

The pride of the Romanian people I came into contact with was palpable. Their country was destroyed but their resilience was amazing. As much as they needed an economic shot in the arm, our money was no good there. We could not buy anything. They gave it to us. Food, drink, trinkets. We traded ship’s Zippo lighters, ball caps, t-shirts.

But the people. The people’s pride of their country was the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed in my life. Before and since.

“As anti-government protesters demonstrated in Timișoara in December 1989, he perceived the demonstrations as a political threat and ordered military forces to open fire on 17 December, causing many deaths and injuries. The revelation that Ceaușescu was responsible resulted in a massive spread of rioting and civil unrest across the country. The demonstrations, which reached Bucharest, became known as the Romanian Revolution — the only violent overthrow of a communist government in the turn of the Revolutions of 1989. Ceaușescu and his wife Elena fled the capital in a helicopter, but they were captured by the military after the armed forces changed sides. After being tried and convicted of economic sabotage and genocide, they were immediately executed by firing squad on 25 December and Ceaușescu was succeeded as President by Ion Iliescu, who had played a major part in the revolution. Capital punishment was abolished shortly thereafter. ”

Scott’s Recommendations For Staying COVID-19 FREE

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Ok. It’s time to get real.

So here are my recommendations for keeping yourself safe from COVID-19.

  1.  Don’t order from Amazon. You don’t want to set yourself up for Prime delivery of the bug.
  2. Order from Wish. Everything take 5 – 8 weeks to arrive. It will be dead by then.
  3. Don’t be flat backin’ your way through your Tinder matches. Unknown if it can be sexually transmitted but why chance it.
  4. Carry a can of Lysol and mace anyone who sniffles near you.
  5. Text. Even if you’re across the room. COVID-19 has not been shown to be contagious through Sprint, ATT, or Verizon. T-Mobile is iffy. Block T-Mobile.
  6. If the store that you MUST go into doesn’t have automatic doors keep walking.

 

I may or may not have more ideas. I will post as they show up during my bathroom personifications.

Days in Social IsolationCountup

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